Saturday, August 2, 2025.

Hey all, welcome back to musepaper! Today I come to you with reflective morning ramblings and to ask a question of all of you.

Medical trauma:

I went for an exam yesterday, a very private exam of which I have a lot of history and trauma around. Not the exam, per sé, but the part of the body which was being examined. I was very disappointed in myself, as I was unable to complete the exam successfully because of trauma and pain. This made me feel like I was a burden on the doctor who was performing it, and to the person who drove me there. I feel like I not only disappointed myself, but those around me due to the non-completion of the exam.

When the doctor walked out of that room, I had a pannic attack, but tried grounding myself with a little game called 3 2 1. I'll explain it now.

(3) 3 things you can hear. (2) 2 things you can physically feel or touch. (1) 1 thing you can smell.

This game usually has the component (see) but I have adapted it for my blindness. Using this tool has been a great way to calm me down after something has triggered my CPTSD or anxiety and I'm very thankful for it.

Grounding, coping, and understanding your body in medical situations.

One thing I have to understand is that I have bodily autonomy and can choose whether to go through with the exam or put a stop to it. Though I did walk out of that doctors office disappointed in myself and how it all went, I ultimately knew that I had full control of the situation.

Closing remarks (So, what's my question?)

My question for you is, do any of you have any medical trauma or medical things you really don't like? One very common occurance I've seen are those who are afraid of dentests. This happens to include my mom, my best friend, and another person who is very close to my heart💗.

So, all that to ask, do any of you have medical things you dread or have trauma around? Only share if you want to, and only if you are comfortable doing so.

Musepaper.